


The Gilded Upon Azure

by sun_and_solace



Series: How to Train Your Lightwarden [5]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Gen, Haha what are tags??, Lightwarden Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Patch 5.3: Reflections in Crystal Spoilers, Sin Eater Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Tags Contain Spoilers, Transformation, Unnamed Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Vague Body Horror, maybe???, torture the cinnamon roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28301448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sun_and_solace/pseuds/sun_and_solace
Summary: She was so tired.She'd left them all back in the Crystarium, snuck out in the quiet of night. Sought her way to the Tempest; there was nothing left for her in the rest of this forsaken world after all, not when her Urianger had never really had a solution to her troubles. Not when G'raha's foolish, idiotic plan had failed. His desire to save the world had been admirable, had it not relied on him to end it..The lightwarden brainworms don't leave y'all.
Series: How to Train Your Lightwarden [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783660
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	The Gilded Upon Azure

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I kind of lost a bit of steam towards the end of this one so I really hope you still enjoy it aa.  
> Torturing the cinnamon roll is my job (and I have more work doing so which I.. may.. post.. soon :'))  
> There is also a vague relationship mention between emet/wol but it's done in passing so I didn't think it warranted tagging
> 
> Inspired a little bit by and written for @tamaffxiv 's art on twitter  
> https://twitter.com/tamaffxiv/status/1314814905137025024?s=19

There was nothing left. No will, no strength, no motivation. Nothing. She was hollowed out, taken in by this world, The First, chewed around and spat out as the weak, feeble thing that she had been all along. She'd never been strong. How could she ever have thought she was? And every time Emet-Selch echoed the statement about who she was she couldn't help but agree.

_ A disappointment _ through and through. For him? She didn't really care. But for everyone else.. for everyone who had cared for her, looked up to her.. for everyone she'd given hope to.. She was a disappointment.

No, she was so much worse than that. She was a  _ failure _ .

As if it didn't hurt enough already... As if the ache of guilt, of  _ failure _ didn't hurt enough already... Now there was that ringing pain that never ceased. It stirred in the pit of her stomach endlessly, like every waking moment she edged on puking up white hot bile. When she moved it felt like shards of glass rolled between her skin and her muscles, and even the slightest amount of pressure felt like dozens,  _ thousands _ of needles pressed into her  _ bones _ . Her head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, glass straining under the flood of light reverberating in her ears as though her head was trapped in a cage of glass surrounded by metric tons of water... Even  _ breathing _ felt difficult.

This was no way to live. Every part of her twisting and writhing in pain and guilt from the moment she woke up..

This was hell. Nothing could have been worse than this.. She had nothing left to give in this fight that she had failed. Even if she had, she couldn't have.

  
  


_ Useless _ .

  
  


...

  
  


_ Guilt _ .

  
  


All she had wanted to do was help people...

  
  


Pain tore its way up her chest and throat, and just in case it was the light she lunged over, heaving in deep breaths as she tried to calm the raging storm of her insides. She didn't know anymore if it was the guilt or the light making her sick...

  
  


But it didn't matter.

  
  


She was so  _ tired _ .

  
  


She'd left them all back in the Crystarium, snuck out in the quiet of night. Sought her way to the Tempest; there was nothing left for her in the rest of this forsaken world after all, not when her Urianger had never really had a solution to her troubles. Not when G'raha's foolish, idiotic plan had failed. His desire to save the world had been admirable, had it not relied on him to end it..

  
  


And now she lumbered to the edge of the city with pain filled footsteps. Every movement, every /sound/ was agony. She was  _ exhausted _ .

  
  


Light peeked through the dark waters above. It did not tell her the time. It felt like an eternity but she guessed it had only really been a few hours. Morning. They'd realise she was gone soon...

  
  


But by now it would be too late.

  
  


Just a little further and she'd be there, where he'd invited her to come when it had become too much to bear.

  
  


It had.

  
  


She took one step into the glowing city, eyes dancing over the shades, over the towering buildings and gleaming spires, and as dulled awe stirred in her stomach, she collapsed.

  
  
  


**

  
  


The sweet fruity smell was what she awoke to. Warmth embracing her, gentle hands stroking down her back. The light here was dim, a single fireplace in a darkened room... She didn't know where she was but she was grateful for whoever hadn't opened the blinds... The light was painful and blinding enough when it came from within..

  
  


For the first time in a long time she felt at peace.. the hands were soft.. gentle... Warm...

  
  


But just as it always was the pain began to return. Pinpricks returned to her skin, spiking beneath the hand that stroked her. Whiteness to the edges of her eyes, ringing in her ears, steadily all of them growing stronger and stronger until she let out an animalistic growl and swatted the hand away, pulling away from its owner only to see who it had been and practically hiss.

  
  


"Oh come now, hero," Emet-Selch purred. "You collapsed at my doorstep, taking you in and providing you with a little  _ hospitality _ is only right..."

  
  


She scowled at him, only to so very abruptly have her vision stolen from her. And suddenly she was falling, tumbling through endless darkness. The whiteness was gone. The pain was gone. There was nothing.. And then there were…

...Flowers?   
  


Her eyes opened to brilliant white light. At first she flinched, preparing for the onslaught of pain. But it didn’t come, and so her eyes fluttered open further, and she looked around her.   
  
Gleaming spires, towering buildings, walkways that stretched off into the distance surrounded on either side by flowering trees of purple.

“I knew I’d find you here..”   
  
She turned, body moving as though it was not her own.

“Oh…”    
  
Her lips spoke silent words, words she couldn’t hear, twisting into a smile as her insides twisted with warmth. Her hand reached out, slid into his. His. Soft, and warm. The warmth inside of her grew overwhelming. Again she expected the pain. Again, none came.

‘ _ Remember us.. _ ’

These words were not spoken. These ones reverberated in her head as her eyes lifted to his. If it hadn’t been for the hair, she would not have recognised him.

Horror and unease spun in her stomach, and then everything before her vanished.

Again she was falling endlessly, in that abyssal dark. The pain was returning, tingling in her fingers and her toes until it ebbed into her system further and further..   
  
And when her eyes opened again she was back in the room. Back with  _ him _ , as confusion twisted in her gut and his hands sat still on hers.

“Wh..at..?” she croaked out, but he only let out a hum.

“A memory, nothing more,” he whispered, and for the first time she heard something in his voice that hadn’t been there before. Calmness. Peace. 

And it almost got to her.   
  
_ Almost _ .

“No…” she murmured, discomfort writhing in her gut like a coil of smoke. “No, this is wrong!”

She yanked her hands out from beneath his, and when they tightened to try and hold her still she snarled, baring her teeth like a wild animal.

  
“Get off me you fiend!” she hissed. Beneath his grip her fingers spun and her nails dug in. Pain reared up in her insides, gut twisting angrily as broken glass churned beneath her skin. She pulled herself up to stand and dragged her nails into his skin as she did so.  _ Anything _ to wound him.  _ Anything _ to get him to let go.

Except he chuckled. Fear bubbled up her chest for only a moment at the question of why, and then just like everything else, all of it disappeared. Something smelled  _ good _ . Something smelled, so, so,  _ so _ very good…

Her eyes grew wide and her heartbeat slowed, and slowly she settled back down as tremors began to shake her system. Around his arms her fingers circled and grasped, nails digging in less to hurt and more to keep him  _ still _ .

She hadn’t noticed the drool. But she had noticed the unbearable, gnawing hunger clawing at her insides. It felt like an eternity since she had eaten, and something smelled good…

No…

_ He _ smelled good.    
  
Warmth bled onto her fingers, tingling, and she turned his arms in her hands to see crimson weeping from tiny surface level wounds; red lines she’d drawn into his skin.    
  
For several moments it was all she could do to stare and try to understand the turmoil of her mind, of her body. Every time she tried to think through her thoughts it was as though her body rebelled. She wanted nothing more that to lunge forward, to sink her teeth into that skin that was filled to the brim of bubbling aether. And yet she knew this was not her.    
  
No…  _ No! _

This was  _ not her _ .

Emet-Selch was chuckling at her, watching with dark delight in his eyes as she tried not to succumb to her urges, and yet…

“No!” she screamed, tearing her hands away from him and pulling her fingers out so that they were splayed and tensed before her. “No no! No I don’t want this!”   
  
Emet-Selch practically purred at her.

“Oh but dear hero, I think you do…”   
  
He leant out and pressed a hand to her cheek, cupping it and leaning closer to her, even standing up and bringing his chest to her face, pulling her cheek up against it in a motion that, done by anyone else, would have been comforting and not so obviously manipulative.

“I can see it in your eyes, in the shake of your very  _ soul _ … You’ve been craving a proper meal for an eternity, my dear.. Starved of true sustenance.. And here I stand before you, stuffed and pulsing full of life supporting aether… and I can see you want  _ nothing more than to dig your teeth into my flesh and drink _ .”   
  
His other hand settled on her cheek and he pulled her away, yanking her gaze up to his. His eyes were half lidded, lips twisted into a wicked smile.

“Shall I feed you, then? Give you what it is you truly crave…?”   
  
Without waiting for an answer he snapped, and light flooded the room. His hands slid away, one of them curling to the back of her head and through her locks to bury into them and yank her onto her feet.

  
She slurred out a curse, stumbling onto her feet as daggers tore through her flesh, shattering reverberating through her skull. With vague awareness she followed him, her insides twisting in agony that was somehow worse than what she’d already been dealing with.    
  
He led her through a door and down a hallway. If she’d had the ability to, she would’ve looked to see where she was, but in such agony it was all she could do to keep up with him and keep herself from tripping over.   
  


And then when they finally stilled she let out a cry as he tossed her to the ground and ripped her head back up.

Even with his head covered she’d recognise the blue crystal anywhere. His arms were bound to the back of the chair, and while he looked away even  _ she _ could see how he trembled in fear.

“I’ve brought you a visitor,” Emet practically sung, squatting behind her and settling both of his hands upon her shoulders. “Your dear hero is so dearly hungry, surely you’d let her sate her need and ease the pain within her…”   
  
His hands slid down her upper arms, his lips brushing against her ear.

“Wouldn’t you, Exarch?”   
  
And as she quivered and twitched, both at his touch and at the raging tempest of hunger in her stomach, his lips pressed just below her lobe.

“Feed, my dear, your hunger will only grow worse the longer you keep resisting…”   
  


For what seemed like an eternity she stilled there, trembling upon her knees as luminescent white tears pricked at the back of her eyes. And then she fell.

The tears rolled down her face like rivers as she began to sob, and then wail, her hands tearing his away furiously as she balled up on the floor. Any time he moved to approach her she shrieked, batting away at his hands and curling herself up further. 

She had only ever wanted to help.

How had she ended up here?   
  
…

  
What had she done to deserve this?

"You did this to yourself, hero..” his voice would come as a purr, as if he could peer into her mind. “Well..”   
  
He’d snicker.

“Maybe you had a little help from your...  _ friends _ ."

And as despair after despair struck her, as she sobbed and wailed on the floor, she begged for darkness to take her, to resume her temporary lack of existence until the next day came.

Only such darkness never came. 

For an eternity she lay there sobbing, screaming any time he approached her until she’d run herself ragged and all that was left of her was the soft shivering of her curled up form and the gnawing hunger in her chest.

For a long time after the sobbing had subsided she just stayed there, her frame curled up on the floor. She could smell them both, their aether. They sang to her, their scent like a siren’s song. She craved it so terribly, the sweet smell of lifeblood calling to her. 

It would sustain her. Strengthen her.    
  
Just a little bit and she could fight it.

Just a  _ little bit _ and she’d be able to fight back against Emet-Selch.

And she started to believe the lies her hunger told her.

Just a little bit…

With a soft groan she lifted herself onto her knees, her half lidded, half intoxicated gaze turning to the man who sat in the chair, still shivering.

“Why.. are you afraid…?” she slurred out, the words sounding alien as they left her mouth. “R..aha… help.. Me..”   
  
She stumbled onto her feet and lumbered over to the man in the chair, settling her hand on the back of a chair. Perhaps if she’d been of sane mind she would have seen the gilded claws that had formed where the tips of her fingers had once been. The paleness of her skin, the golden scales and feathers trailing lines just atop the skin on the back of her hand.

She was not of sane mind.

She was  _ starving _ .

Her other hand settled slowly on the man’s blue shoulder, nails digging in slowly as she turned to his front.

She didn’t notice the luminescent drool and tears that spilled from her face as she loomed over him at a height that was far too tall for how tall she had been mere hours ago.    
  
But he certainly did.

G’raha Tia looked up to her with wide, terrified eyes, horror and despair clearly written across his face as he trembled.

“Please.. D-don’t…” he whimpered out. “D-don’t…”

She let out an inhuman sounding growl, her other claw settling upon his shoulder and digging in. Here they found skin.. Flesh… And as her nails dug into him red began to seep from around them, red rivulets pouring down his skin and soaking into his sullied clothing.

Above him she snarled as hunger roared in her stomach.

Below her he shrieked.

It smelled so good.  _ It smelled so good it smelled so good it smelled  _ **_so good_ ** .

And she snapped.   
  


Her claws dug in viciously until below her he  _ screamed _ , his arms yanking at his bindings uselessly as she brought her face even closer to his, lips twisting into a viscous grin.

Food… Terrified, screaming,  **food** .

Whatever mortal part of her that had been left was gone. There was only hunger now, and here was the perfect first meal.

She opened her jaw before him, and from her mouth… from her her maw, ravenous and monstrous, luminescent bile dripped from her fangs, from her monstrous tongue.

“Ra...ha…” she garbled out, her voice like five hundred spoke to him all at once. “Tha..nk… you.. For.. sustaining.. me..”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to scream about FFXIV fanfiction, G'raha Tia, Emet-Selch, and anyone else, come join us at our discord server at [Emet-Selch's Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/RHEBesD). We'd love to meet you ♥


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